Reblog if you laugh at HILARIOUS Tumblr posts alone in your room like an idiot.
The Most Awkward Night of My Life Poorly Recounted
I may still be in shock.
I sat frozen, head hunched, subconsciously attempting to hide behind the rainbow-banded bong that had been placed before me. I stared through my phone, unblinking, unable to even continue playing my game. My hand hovered, fingers curled into petrified claws poised above the screen. They exchanged catty phrases, awkward, clumsy attempts at flirting and vindictive retorts that were almost cruel for the discomfort they caused the other and the vomit of words that followed, a rambling, tumbling mess of broken evasions, an unnecessary, flimsy epic, like this one(it would be impossible to describe these events any other way). An emotionally volatile middle-school moment. Surely many others had experienced similar situations, though perhaps not so late as 2 years after being awarded a degree. I wished with every fiber of my being that I had never come, had feigned exhaustion and stayed home. So did they, voraciously. They floundered, physically, verbally and I was terrified. The THC and CBDs flooded my brain, mixed with the desperate, animal fear that had already inundated my system and sent it into a rodent’s panic, and I silently begged to be released, to be awarded my switchblade key so that I could escape this gruesome caricature of human interaction. It had become surreal, even the art on the walls was too much to look at. There is a distinct possibility that I stopped breathing. Finally a fumbled apology and freedom was mine. I fled with barely a farewell. My terror took me swiftly, safely, thankfully home. I cannot believe that happened.
2:26 a.m. April 25 2012
‘Once we were blobs in the sea, and then fishes, and then lizards and rats, and then monkeys, and hundreds of things in between. This hand was once a fin, this hand once had claws! In my human mouth I have the pointy teeth of a wolf and the chisel teeth of a rabbit and the grinding teeth of a cow! Our blood is as salty as the sea we used to live in! When we’re frightened, the hair on our skin stands up, just like it did when we had fur. We ARE history! Everything we’ve ever been on the way to becoming us, we still are. Would you like the rest of the story? I’m made up of the memories of my parents and my grandparents, all my ancestors. They’re in the way I look, in the color of my hair. And I’m made up of everyone I’ve ever met who’s changed the way I think.’
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| — | Terry Prachett (via rescueforthehopeless) |
